Thursday, March 24, 2011

So much to do

I am so swamped with work.

So, of course, I am procrastinating by reading blogs, paying bills (boo!), depositing money (yay!), catching up on emails, and contemplating cleaning house.

Deadlines, schmedlines. That's what 3 a.m. is for.

It's raining ... again. But I am not complaining. At least the 24-hour sustained hurricane-force winds have subsided. Everything is starting to bud, which makes me so very excited. The lilacs, the pear trees, our little apple tree, the elm and the ash, the maples. Pretty, pretty. And the tiny little crocuses. Croci? Or at least that's what I think they are. I don't even remember them from last year. More pretty, pretty; all yellow and purple. Hooray for spring--even if snow is in the forecast. I'll take what I can get.

I had a great post about sense memories all made up in my head the other day. But now I can't remember half of it. I really need to get a little notebook or voice recorder or something. When it all comes back to me, I'll get back in here.

For now, procrastination time is over. Time to focus on the Opportunity Finance Network financial report.

Ugh ... is it any wonder I'm procrastinating??

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Just Stuff

So, as I mentioned, Mr. J is off being Mr. Adventure Traveler, working in Morocco on a hush-hush TV something or other. I know more than that (though not much), but I am not allowed to say. Anyway, he is there, and I am here. And all I can say is, Thank God for Skype.

Warning, this post is most likely going to be all over the place (though when aren't my posts all over the place?).

My dad served three tours of duty in Vietnam. They were newlyweds, and for two of those tours, my mom was pregnant. Dad wasn't able to make it home for my birth, and he didn't really know about the actual birth date for several days. I don't think I "met" him until I was 8 months old. He made it back the day before my sister was born (and good for him, as I believe at that point my 23-year-old mom was ready to throw in the towel on the whole Air Force wife deal). Anyway, I bring it up, because I don't know how they survived. I know they had no choice, but I am a wreck if I go four days without hearing from Mr. J. OK, not a total wreck. But I am definitely gloomy. They had to rely on mail and reel-to-reel audio recordings and phone calls in which you had to end each part of your conversation with "over" so the person connecting them would know when to switch cords or whatever it was they had to do. Add to that all the stress of worrying about each other in their respective situations (him fighting wars, her dealing with pregnancy). I really am a wimp compared to them!

My friend was asking me today how I'm doing, and I have been fine. I mean, yeah, it's lonely and quiet in the house, and every now and then I get incredibly sad. But for the most part, I know Mr. J is doing what he likes to do. He's making something of an income (though not nearly what he deserves). And it's not like he is in a life-threatening situation where I have to stress about his every move every day, as I'm sure countless girlfriends/boyfriends/wives/husbands are dealing with all over this country ... or all over the world, for that matter. She also wondered if I was mad at him, saying that most women would be livid that their husbands were going off for what I guess a lot of people consider a second childhood. But I'm not mad. Well, I'm mad when I have to deal with something that is in his domain, such as filling in muddy pits dug by The Dog or trying to jerry-rig a fence to keep The Dog from his favorite area of digging. But that's more frustration at not being able to do what he does so well and without a second thought.

It almost made me question how much I care for him. I mean, maybe I should be sadder or madder or more emotional.

Or maybe I'm just numb?

Or maybe I'm just so used to being in a family where Dad would go off for a week, two weeks, months for different exercises or assignments.

I don't know. I guess the important thing is that all in all I'm OK with everything (either that or I am incredibly good at repressing my emotions). And there is no doubt about how much I care for him and love him and miss him, even if maybe I should be more upset by it all.

Then again, maybe I'm being all magnanimous because I just made plane reservations to join him at the end of April?

Hmmmm, could be.

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

I know, I know

I am the worst blogger ever.

I have been either traveling, or in a slump, or just not in the mood, or too busy, or just plain bored. My blog has been empty. My Facebook updates have been empty. Even my email correspondence with friends has been lagging. Actually, dang it, that reminds me. I didn't call my grandmother today ... on her 92nd bday? What kind of granddaughter am I??

Well ... I did send a card.


But I am still here. Lurking. Reading all the blogs of the wonderful people I have come to know through this weird world of ours.

But not posting.

First there was too much to catch up on. We started with a house project in which we ripped up the carpet from the stairs for a "weekend project" in which we planned to paint them and to just survive with whatever resulted. Well, that was New Year's Day. A month of nonstop house projects later, and we now have an entire new set of stairs, plus "hardwood" floors in our bedroom, plus a bigger bedroom since we ripped out a wall, plus new paint, new baseboards, new pictures ... well, you know. A weekend project turned into a month-long project.

And we finished just in time for Mr. J to head off to Morocco and me to Connecticut.

Then I returned to an empty house (except for The Dog, who saved me from my temporary state of despair at being alone).

And now it is nearly a month since we parted ways (temporarily), and I am adjusting to being "single." Work has picked up and kept me ridiculously busy during the days. I've become a serious addict of Netflix streaming videos for the evenings when I have no plans (can you say Masterpiece Classics period romances?!? Hello, Mr. Rochester and Colonel Wickham!). And my friends here are keeping such good care of me. Dinner one night. Drinks another. Free concerts at the Record Exchange in the afternoon.

So even though I am not quite sure when the wonderful, much-missed Mr. J is returning ... perhaps May? perhaps June? ... I am moving right along.

And I am still here.

Just a little off and a little quiet and very intermittent.

But here.