Testing, Testing

The gods, or someone, are seriously against me in this trying-to-be-a-better person agenda.

After a great start, yesterday rapidly went downhill, with the annoying sinus cold sapping every last dose of energy. I managed to finish up the one bit of work I had, and then proceeded to sag onto the couch, too tired to read, watch movies, or even knit. By the end of the night, said sinus cold had migrated into just one ear so that it felt like someone was stabbing an invisible ice pick into my eardrum. I was not exactly a vision of cheerfulness. In fact, I was so whiny and miserable that Nurse Mr. J pretty much ignored me in exasperation. Rightfully so! (Though he did go out at about 10 to get me decongestants and nasal spray. That's true love.)

Today the ear pain has mostly subsided, and I'm down to a miserable drippy nose. But at least I feel a little more energetic. However, I woke up to a notice from my bank saying that my business account was down to $0. Remember that check I was so happy to receive yesterday? Yeah, it sure would have been nice if I had actually deposited it. Oops!

But there is a silver lining to all this woe and misery in my little world: I miraculously did not overdraw my account. The two checks that went out yesterday added up to exactly the amount I had had in my account two days ago. So when it said a balance of $0, it wasn't hiding some negative amount. So first thing this morning, in went the check, and all is right with the world. No returned checks. No annoying bank fees.

I love it when a non-plan comes together.

Life Lessons

I moved my entire life. Being the daughter of an Air Force man, we up and moved every three years. Even in college, I got out in three years (those AP classes finally came in handy!). Then in my 20s, even though I stayed in the same state for an entire decade, I managed to move on an incredibly regular basis. By the time I reached 30, the longest I had ever lived anywhere were four fabulous years in my San Francisco studio apartment. Obviously, I'm just a rambling kind of person, in so many more ways than one.

So, you would think that I'd be a pro at moving, getting settled, making friends, and all that. But alas, no. I was a ridiculously shy and introverted child, which only got worse as I made it into my teenage years. I was the epitome of awkward ... scrawny, glasses, braces, bad haircuts, no sense of style. Oh, I was an amazing creature to behold. I did have friends--wonderful friends, in fact. I just tended to dwell on the fact that I didn't have more friends or the fact that the "popular" people didn't know me/like me/realize I existed. Oh, woe, the teenage angst.

Like most people who survived high school, however, I eventually came out of my shell and stayed out, for the most part. In fact, when I mention to others that I see myself as a shy person, they are usually shocked (though I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing). Anyway, I now have small groups of fabulous friends all over the continent, thanks to my roving, rambling days. And I married a man with the world's largest network of cool riverfolk friends. I couldn't have been luckier. So now our network is global. It's not like we are in touch with all these people, but I know that if we stumble into a town in some remote part of the world, there is a good chance that if we don't know somebody there, we do know somebody who knows somebody there.

So, yay for me. And yet, each time I move to a new town, I still struggle. I want to fit in. I want immediate friends. I crave that close group of girlfriends with whom you can share things and not worry about what is being said after you leave the room. I long for those nights of just sitting around for hours laughing over the silliest things. In trying to make new friends and to get everything that I want NOW, I find that I have been trying a little too hard and coming off a bit desperate. Add a couple glasses of wine to the mix, and you get my loud, obnoxious self making really odd or inappropriate comments. Lovely. So I needed a reminder to just chill, just be myself, let those who like me seek me out and don't try to be everyone's best chum. First, Mr. J pointed this out to me (though his timing was lousy, so it just turned into a big ol' pout-fest on my part until I could relax and realize that, once again, he was right).

Then today, I read Ms. Whimsy's 4 Laws of Cream (I've been stalking her blog for months now, and only just now found these wonderful words of wisdom; Law #2, in particular, rang especially true). And I said, to myself, Oh yea, I remember all this. Be who you are, enjoy life, laugh, smile, do the things you enjoy, and those with like minds/hearts will seek you out. Thank you for the much-needed reminder on that wonderful life lesson! I was seriously on the verge of becoming a big pile of sour cream, and it wasn't pretty! (Though I do like me some sour cream!)

Rainy Days and Fridays

So, I had this whole long, maudlin sad post ready to go. But I just can't bring myself to post it. My life's woes are seriously not serious enough in this day and age. Devastation in Haiti, ridiculous rulings by our lost-in-time Supreme Court, crazy local legislation here in Boise (and in Greeley, CO ... I'd be lost without my neighborhood chickens!!). The life and times of one Ms. Tara and her family are not that bad. I just hope the world survives long enough for us to sort out our piddly problems and to claw our way out of our financial woes.

Obviously there is a glass of red on my left, fueling on my funk. I think it's time to get up and knit or be productive or at least figure out what I'm wearing to tomorrow night's Naughty School Girl Party. I mean, how bad can life be when those are my major priorities? Really ...